The editor whose ex learned new moves
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher
This week, a woman is having sex with an old adventure while deciding if she wants to have kids with her platonic best friend: 43, single, Brooklyn.
8h00 There is nothing I love more than sleeping late. But today I have to get up early because I have a visitor coming to town, a boyfriend from years gone by who I’ll call B. He lives in California now, but he’s supposed to work in New York. Here we are, reunited after not having seen each other for at least ten years.
9h00 I take a shower, make a coffee maker and begin to tidy my place. I live alone and keep my apartment beautiful but this visit requires a thorough cleaning. Usually it’s just me here. Every few weeks I’ll have a date and a romantic relationship, but these guys aren’t looking inside my shower.
1:00 p.m. Once my apartment is back in shape, it’s time to get back in shape. I make myself some eyebrow wax, then I go to do some shopping. This all takes place in Soho, it’s the only place I go in Manhattan. I worked there for 20 years with a small publishing house and it is my home away from home. Now I am self-employed and self-employed. I’m doing pretty well meaning I can afford a nice one bedroom with high ceilings and lots of expensive take out.
4:00 p.m. B has landed. He’s staying in a hotel, technically, but he’s also coming straight to my house (and probably won’t be leaving for a while). So what happened between us? We met over ten years ago, via Facebook; I forget the details, but we had a mutual friend. All I remember was I loved him very much and he was either indifferent to me or too busy with work or something – but I broke up with him because it didn’t seem like it was going anywhere. I also remember the sex was surprisingly good considering he was quite inexperienced and somewhat “shy” and reserved in general. I know he has years of experience now, he moved to LA, was very successful and fucked a lot of hot women (I imagine).
6:00 p.m. He’s there. He looks hotter than I ever remembered him. Bigger, more rugged, stronger in every way. We have wine and try to catch up. We’ve both had more relationships than we can count since the last time we saw each other. I want it â¦
9:00 p.m. We fuck on my couch and fuck, he learned new moves. The sex is fabulous.
11 o’clock in the evening I tell him he should go home to his hotel and settle in. It’s just the right decision. I’m not sure why but I really want my place for myself.
9:00 p.m. What I didn’t tell B was that I was thinking of having a baby with my best friend, G. We’ve been friends since college; we are not lovers but we are both single and wanting to live as a family and this may be our best (and only) option. I have frozen eggs, but it’s still now or never. I didn’t say anything to B because the conversation was heavy. I might know what he looks like naked and how he feels in my body, but in many ways he’s a stranger.
11:00 I have a quick coffee with G. He also had sex last night. (Hot Vaxx Fall!) We’re laughing at our situation right now because neither of us knows what to do, regarding starting the process. We’ve only been talking about co-parenting for about a year. It started out as a pandemic conversation; we were on the phone, both real and deep in our lives and our future when he spoke about it. I had thought the same. We don’t want to have sex, and I have these frozen eggs, but we really have to engage. I think we’re both afraid of pushing each other too much, and yet I also think we both want it very hard.
4:00 p.m. B is texting to find out which restaurant to go to tonight. He is at a work conference and is starving. He loves New York restaurants and has a whole list of places to check off while he’s here. We agree to try a new Thai place.
8 p.m. Over dinner we discuss the reasons why none of us ever got married or had children. His stories are the same as mine. Several exciting relationships fizzled out, but not before we had eaten up some of our âgood yearsâ. None of us seem too depressed about it. It’s the perfect opening to talk about having a baby with G but I choose not to. B withdraws when we have sex; I think part of me worries if I say too much, he’ll wear a condom tonight and think I’m trapping him or something. Maybe I hope he accidentally gets me pregnant. I do not know. I need more alcohol please.
11 o’clock in the evening We just had sex in B’s hotel room, which was extremely hot. I love sex in a hotel room with all my heart. I go back to Uber even though he wants me to stay.
10:00 a.m. I have consecutive calls and zooms. I am happy to have a busy working day. It seems juvenile to gush on B again and then talk about this modern love fairy tale bullshit with G in between. I’m sick of boys and real life issues. I just want to work.
3:00 p.m. I haven’t had a single break from work and I’m starving. I’ve been running with B all day, so I’m texting to see if he wants an epic late lunch somewhere.
4:00 p.m. Before I know it, we’re in a bistro with amazing burgers and gourmet Bloody Marys and I’m very, very happy. I like to indulge myself when you are absolutely hungry. But there’s no way I’m fucking someone with a full stomach. I lie and tell B that I can’t go out tonight. He still has two days in New York for us to make the most of the rest of those nights.
8 p.m. Lying on the bed, I imagine B going online to find a piece of New York ass tonight. Or maybe to have a romantic date. Maybe someone’s going to screw his brains out. Maybe he will fall in love. I don’t care anyway. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t care deeply about him anymore, or I don’t care deeply about love anymore.
9h00 G wants to have dinner tonight and get to the bottom of our next steps. I tell him that I have to see B but that I agree, we can’t mess around for long. We agree to have dinner the day B returns to California.
11:00 I get a massage because I can.
5:00 p.m. A few hours of work and I feel excited and ready for some great food and great wine. We decide to do a little restaurant tour tonight and I’m getting ready. I also throw a brand new vibrator in my purse. It’s gonna be fun.
7:00 p.m. At the first restaurant, we sit side by side and B’s hands (which I swear have gotten bigger) are on my thigh, under my skirt. I am very excited about this. I show him the atmosphere and he is delighted. The restaurant is just loud enough that no one notices it when we turn it on and put it in my underwear.
9:00 p.m. I’m drunk and the anticipation of having sex is too high. I tell B that we are going back to my house to have sex. He hails a cab the second after paying the bill.
11 o’clock in the evening Very hot sex all over my room. Slaps, bites, feverish sex. I even let him sleep. He’s fucked up.
9h00 We wake up a little embarrassed that our cock was mean last night. But we’re old friends now, that’s okay. I send him to his house so that I can work.
1:00 p.m. It occurs to me that B maybe ejaculated a little inside me last night. I do not know. I can imagine it. I was drunk. I’m not angry or sad about any of this. I’m ovulating, I think, but I’m sure nothing will happen.
5:00 p.m. We are both tired. We text and try to get together for one more night, but I’m really not in the mood. B calls me instead.
7:00 p.m. We have the longest phone date. He admits to having feelings and enjoying these last days. He’s not pouring his heart out on anything but he says he would like to continue seeing each other for a bit (i.e. I will be visiting him in California soon) and I say that sounds good. I’m pretty apathetic about it; that is, unless he got me pregnant. I think my headspace is just focused on having a baby right now and not the trials and tribulations of dating a cute guy from the past.
9h00 I’m texting G to confirm our plans for tonight. He’s suddenly busy, so we have to plan something for tomorrow instead.
2:00 p.m. B has left for Cali and I feel a little depressed. It was nice to have an old adventure in my life. I liked the attention and being back in town, and looking and feeling really hot after last year. Well he’s gone now, and unless he miraculously makes me pregnant, who knows, it might take another ten years before I see him again.
5:00 p.m. I’m thinking about dinner and I’m pretty much eating out. I decide to make myself some grilled cheese and open a bottle of red wine and call it a night.
10:00 a.m. I take a two hour walk through Brooklyn. I owe it to G to introduce myself this evening with a clear idea of ââwhat I want. I come to some conclusions. I want to try to have a baby with him. I am ready to make this my number one priority. If it works, so much the better. If not, I don’t want to spend the rest of my 40s fighting fertility. I don’t want to be that person; it’s too depressing. We will give it a solid try and see what happens.
2:00 p.m. I work, call friends, and tell my mom that G and I could try the co-parenting route. She’s incredibly supportive, which makes me even more excited for our dinner tonight.
4:00 p.m. We have been going to the same Italian place for years and love it because they have this Caesar salad that I dream about. We decide to meet there. I’m actually a little nervous!
7:00 p.m. We are having dinner. G is on exactly the same wavelength as me. We decide to do IVF, because of the frozen eggs I already have, and split everything 50/50 (as well as involve the lawyers and paperwork, just to avoid any mess). He has some insecurities about women who don’t want to date a single dad in the future, but I’m trying to convince him that this will only make him sexier. I’m not even lying when I say that.
9:00 p.m. We leave the restaurant drunk with wine and even more drunk at our decision to try to start a family together. Neither of us knows what the future holds, but we both know that tomorrow we have very serious doctor’s appointments.
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